Work-Life balance? What does that even mean?
Isn’t work part of life? Or am I missing something?
This was legitimately what I pondered when the doctor told me I burned out and to “keep an eye on your work-life balance” …. — sure, whatever you say Doc.
The thing with terms like work-life balance is they sound familiar, so you think you know what’s up. But my reality pointed out that I really didn’t; I had some figuring out and leveling up to do.
Not being the helpless type, I researched online for solutions but that only got me further from the truth. So, after enrolling in a Life Coaching study and passing with flying colors, this is what I found out:
What you balance are the different roles you have and the activities that go with them.
Our roles and activities change throughout our lives, but as adults (especially as parents) we move through the same areas of life and perform the same activities for a long time.
The problem with not being aware of your roles and life areas is that you live your life on autopilot, and before you know it, you’re driving into a wall instead of achieving your goal.
When I burned out it came as a huge surprise because in my mind I was hitting one life goal after the other, so I was doing great, right?
I had a loving family (and still do), a high-paying job, a company car, a nice crib, active social life… Burning out was the last thing I expected. But somehow I managed to fall into a hole that I dug for myself.
Not only did I have to get out of it, but I also had to stay out, preferably for the rest of my life.
The result of a balanced life is feeling energized, and fulfilled, having your shit together, and all that good stuff.
It turns out, Work is part of Life and the other areas are Home, Health, Social, and Personal Development.
Ideally, we spend time every week on:
Work (fulfilling our role as employees or working for ourselves),
Home (fulfilling our role as a parent, spouse, and home-owner),
Health (aka self-care, both mentally and physically),
Social activities (fulfilling roles as a friend, sibling, child, aunt/uncle, etc. online and offline),
And last but definitely not least,
Personal Development (fulfilling our ambitions, potential, dreams, and desires).
The reason I burned out was that I spent 0 hours on personal development, and way too much time on social activities, and my Home and Self-Care suffered as a result. I thought that if I did well at work, the rest of my life would be good as well. Boy was I wrong.
So, how do you find the right balance?
The simple answer is: spend time on the right activities.
Great, but how do we figure out how much time to spend on which activities?
It depends on your goals.
Every life area, more specifically every role, needs a goal.
How else do you know what to do or how much time to spend if you don’t know the goal?
(The more roles you have, the less time you have for each goal. That’s why I grouped all the social activities together to save time and headaches.)
Now, I used to mistake outcomes for goals.
For example, I thought money was a goal, but that’s merely the outcome of delivering value (as an employee, creator, or what have you).
And the only way to become (more) valuable is through personal development. There are no shortcuts to success, it simply won’t last.
Another example is that I had “six-pack abs” as a goal, but that’s merely the outcome of following a structured workout routine and diet consistently.
Anyway, let’s look at the goals I set for each life area:
Work: do exactly what is expected from me during working hours.
Home: spend quality time with my wife and kids and do chores in and around the house.
Health: spend time on physical health and mental health.
Social: only spend time on social activities after I’ve taken care of the other life areas.
Personal Development: spend at least one hour a day reading, learning, studying, and educating myself.
This is my current weekly loop:
I apologize for the shitty graphics, I’m sure it can be cleaner and more professional, but this is as far as my PowerPoint skills go.
So what changed? Let me break it down:
My morning routine consists of meditation (10 min.), preparing lunch for the kids, reading a book, writing stories, ideas, and concepts, and of course personal hygiene things.
Work doesn’t change, but instead of taking the car, I take the train, so I can get my daily 10K steps in, burn some extra calories and read, write or listen to something on the train depending on my mood.
In the evenings I rarely check my phone. All notifications are off. If someone’s in trouble I hope they call 911, not me. I deleted all social media, I have too much life to waste it on a virtual one. Spending quality time with my wife and kids creates a happy home. And sure, after the kids go to bed we binge-watch shows, currently, we’re watching Ray Donovan, a great show.
The weekends are for social activities like birthdays or getting together with friends. Some weekends I’ll take care of the kids and my wife can visit her friends or vice versa.
On Sundays, we have a house rule: no plans, appointments, or activities planned. We just chill and do whatever, we order food most times and just relax and get ready for the next week.
Because I’m aware of my roles, I know which ones have priority, and based on that I can divide my time. Yes, I’m less socially active and my circle is smaller, but time is limited, so we have to choose quality over quantity.
And that is our main responsibility: to spend our time wisely and enjoy our lives. Sometimes we forget that this life is given, and can be taken away at any moment. So don’t waste it.
If you are struggling with finding balance and fulfillment, try to create a new weekly loop based on your roles, goals, and responsibilities and plan activities accordingly. Then try it out for one week, check your progress on Sunday and adjust your activities or keep going strong.
That’s the only way to live the life you want and become who you want to be. Make life easy for yourself, and don’t overcomplicate things, it’s already difficult enough.
Thanks for reading and if you have ADHD or life-related issues you’d like me to analyze or simplify don’t hesitate to reach out. Until next time, take care of yourself and make this world better.
Peace!
